It is not ‘No’. It’s just ‘Not yet’.
It’s something all humans have in common – the inclination, occasionally, to succumb to the temptations of instant gratification. Our baser urges can devilishly hijack our noble intentions at any moment. If this is infrequent and doesn’t result in anything life threatening or illegal it can be understandable and forgivable. Who amongst us hasn’t eaten that second serving of chocolate gateau or bought that pair of tantalisingly impractical but gorgeous shoes?
But what is ‘delayed gratification’? The widely agreed definition is ‘the ability to delay an impulse for an immediate reward to receive a more favourable reward at a later time ‘. This sounds sensible and simple; however, it takes work.
'A Good Choice May Go Unrewarded for a Long Time'
Many of us are familiar with the famous ‘marshmallow test’ undertaken with Walter Mischel, a psychologist who offered a group of young children the choice of eating a marshmallow immediately or waiting a short time and receiving two instead. As anticipated, when the experimenter left the room, some children failed to resist the temptation of the sweet, eating it immediately, whilst others used a range of ways (some rather amusing to witness) to delay their enjoyment of the marshmallow and earned two marshmallows. Mischel then examined the ramifications of this experiment demonstrating that those who waited seemed to have advantages later in life, such as better academic performances and fewer behavioural issues.
So, in what domains could we delay gratification and why do they matter? Research has indicated that the ability to delay reward is a trait of successful people. Examples of a few of areas these are:
- Financial – accumulating money by controlling the temptation to buy goods at the annual sales or clicking to purchase items on Amazon or Temu. This could result in the long yearned for European holiday.
- Health – dedicating time to buying and preparing nutritious food instead of calling into McDonald’s after work for the sake of expeditiousness. Eschewing the temporary high of alcohol, nicotine and other drugs.
- Social – declining invitations and entreaties from friends to dedicate time to learning and study instead.
- Relationships – managing urges to respond in the heat of a moment with a partner or friend in retaliation for something they’ve said or done.
- Achievement at work – developing a strong work ethic, remaining self-motivated and focussing on a long-term goal
The ability to regulate our emotions and behaviours is a fundamental element of executive function. These are the group of skills which allow us to plan, monitor, and attain goals. Instant gratification can be a habit, one we can control and eliminate but to do so requires an awareness of such impulses and a commitment to new habit formation.
Young people need to know that impulses pass and that they can cultivate self-regulation. Research indicates that those who master this are more self-reliant and self-confident. Delayed gratification can be perceived as a muscle we can grow for the benefit of our future selves. Given many young people are immersed in, and powerfully influenced by, messages of ‘You can have what you want NOW’ and ‘You deserve to treat yourself today’ they may be unprepared to cope with life’s inevitable setbacks and unfamiliar with how to problem solve.
Mastering self-discipline takes dedication to an incentive and ongoing commitment. One challenge is that it can be uncertain when the long-term goal will be attained. Our personalities, mental and physical health, social and work contexts, as well as other individual characteristics, all impact our success in this arena. In adolescents, instant reward centres in the brain are ill developed which means instant gratification is even more appealing.
What, then, are the ways we can improve our predilection for instant rewards? Examples include –
- Thinking about consequences before acting.
- Visualising ourselves coping successfully and fostering self-belief.
- Becoming aware of, and managing, our emotions so they don’t overwhelm or control us.
- Setting achievable and realistic goals.
- Being clear about how long we need to wait.
- Becoming attuned to triggers which hijack our self-control.
- Factoring into our lives routines and rewards.
- Avoiding tempting situations.
Naturally, our levels of self-control vary throughout each day due to a myriad factors, And of course, we’re all trying to balance spontaneity, joy and living in the present with an awareness of what is in our best interests and the interests of those around us. We’re not robots. We possess passions and predilections which make us intriguing and endlessly fascinating. However; it is worth trying to become more self-aware and self-disciplined so that we don’t sacrifice what we what most for what we think we want immediately.
Christine Rowlands
